Week 34

Not all pregnancy symptoms are bad. It’s pretty common to have vivid dreams during pregnancy and some are erotic. I’m talking about sex dreams with details and um… events that would make a porn star blush. While these are amusing (and rather disturbing sometimes) to analyze when you wake up, that’s not the really cool part. The bonus is when I climax in the dream I am awakened in the big middle of a REAL orgasm. Yup, you get free ones! I wake up during a great big house rockin’ wet dream – minus the mess that teenage boys experience I guess. This never happened to me until I got pregnant. I wonder if it’s just hormones and it goes away after the baby is born. Bummer.


Speaking of dreams, I haven’t been having those “I’m not prepared for a baby” dreams lately. Maybe when I get closer to my due date they will start up again. Also James has been kind enough to have some nightmares for me lately – gotta start sharing in the parental responsibilities early I guess. He recently had one in which we were at the hospital, I’m in labor and all the staff and doctors were screwing up and incompetent. He said he was having to yell at all of them and kick them out of the room. Now, you have to understand that James is one laid back dude so if he’s to that point, it really is a nightmare.

Now this is scary:

 We still haven’t done our 1999 taxes

 If we died in a car wreck right now, among my last thoughts would be how embarrassed I am that a member of my family might see the state of filth in our bedroom

 Our videos regularly get to ride around in the car with us for several days past their rental return date.

 I ate grapes, a frozen bean burrito and some cereal for dinner one night this week

We do not balance our checkbooks

 My husband still asks me where the lightbulbs are kept after receiving the same answer to this question (hall closet, hall closet, hall closet) for the last 8 years and…


My shower was so much fun! Everything was just perfect because of the Martha Stewart-like talents of the lovely hostesses Julie and Heather. Thanks a million!! I have been to showers in the past where everyone seemed reserved and stuffy. I’m so glad everyone laughed and had a good time. I was sad about not seeing my family’s faces, but their gifts and cards were in attendance. We of course played baby shower games – the one where the labels are removed from the jars of baby food and you have to guess what is in them. I did not know those colors occurred in nature. Yeesh. The hardest game is the one where you can’t say “baby” or you loose your clothespin to the woman that catches you saying it. The one with the most pins at the end of the night won a prize. We totally cleaned up too – what a haul! I hardly have anything left to buy. None of the women in attendance had children so I got lots of questions about what pregnancy is like. Some advise – If you don’t like crying in front of people, don’t read the cards. I made the mistake of reading one from my sister in law, Laura and got all emotional.


When I got home, James and I spread all the cool stuff out, played with all the musical toys, and basically languished in the baby bounty. I repeatedly made him look at how little the socks and caps are… I can’t seem to control my giddiness associated with how tiny everything is. I hold up the infant diapers and make him look at them saying, “Wook how widdle dat butt is!” in baby talk. He must be thinking, “Yes, honey you made me look at that little diaper yesterday.” After the clothes were thoroughly smiled at and touched, I was worked into a maternal frenzy that caused me to hit rock bottom – I slathered tons of Baby Magic lotion on my arms. Yeah, I hit the hard stuff and made myself totally intoxicated with the smell of baby filling the room. This powerful elixir induced hallucinations of the day I finally get to smear all 6 of Julia’s little leg fat rolls (don’t you just want to kiss those?) with lotion and powder. I am living proof that they could put women into some kind of maternal trance with the smell of a baby hygiene products.


 It’s + !

 Week 4

 Week 9

Week 10

 Week 11

 Week 12

 Week 13

 Week 14

 Week 15

 Week 16

 Week 17

 Week 23

 Week 24

 Week 30

Week 31

Week 32

 Week 37

Week 38

Week 39

 Going to the hospital!